Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
