y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
