how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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