Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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