i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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