oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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