Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
