The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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