Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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