I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
