i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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