You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
