dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
