lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
