Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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