i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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