We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
