You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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