I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
