no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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