So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
