Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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