I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
