ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
