I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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