you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
