A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
