Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize