saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
