That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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