direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize