i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
