you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
