Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
