yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
