Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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