In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
nutella sex= disaster
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
