So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
