the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
