NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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