We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
