Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
