And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
