when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
