Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
