I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
