so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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