So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
