Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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