I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize