the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
