im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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