She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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