so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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