I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
birth control should be required to get into college
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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