i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
