apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
