I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
