the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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