Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
this hospital has no fireball
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize