last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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