so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
