it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
