She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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