Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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