I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
