So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Randomize
