Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
