thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
