i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What drink are we having for lunch?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
