So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
