Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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