You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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