whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
