this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize