it was like his penis was on wheels.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize