I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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