were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
