and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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