Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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