i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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