Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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