you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
