Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
