everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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