I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This house was built for laser tag.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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