I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We named our party play list daddy issues
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
