I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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