If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
