I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
