when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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