I heard we made out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
