Say something about gay babies.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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