Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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