Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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