atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize