You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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