5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
