There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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