I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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