i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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