I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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